Runs on Coffee and Cream

Having daughters has made me realize I need to change my relationship with my body. I need to start focusing on improving my strength and energy, and not just looking at food and exercise as a way to lose weight and change how I look. 

Emma is obsessed with books. We started a library for her before she was even born and we've added a ton of books since. Within her collection of books, we've acquired some seasonal books. One of her absolute favourites is a Halloween flip book - Halloween is Here! So I thought it might be great to share some book recommendations in case other parents are looking for some non-candy Halloween gift ideas.

What a year 2020 has been. Because of the pandemic, being glued to the news, and all the stresses of the coronavirus, my pregnancy flew by. Like I blinked, and all of a sudden I was 38 weeks pregnant. Thankfully the pregnancy went pretty smooth. I don't know if I could have handled much pregnancy stress on top of the real world stress. My anxiety was already high between going off my anxiety medication at the beginning of the pregnancy and the coronavirus. 

Let's talk about mental health.

I've always been a somewhat anxious person; worrying about every little thing and usually playing out all the worse case scenarios in my head. But once I got pregnant with Emma, things got worse. I became obsessed about what I was eating while I was pregnant. Double checking everything was pasteurized, didn't contain any spices that were said to bring on early labour, and keeping Adam's lunch meat in a special drawer in our fridge that I refused to touch. I didn't think it was too weird considering how many years and how much money it took to get pregnant. I didn't want to take any chances to mess things up.

My everything.

Infertility is a bitch. I've been through a lot in my lifetime and experienced a lot of emotions, but infertility has kicked my ass.

It took us 5 years to get pregnant with Emma. Our first round of IVF was successful. However, the multiple IUIs, fertility drugs, and other methods were a huge source of stress and drained us emotionally and financially. But we were finally pregnant! Emma is a blessing and has made us so happy.

It's hard to believe it's June already. I'm not too sure where the time has gone, but here we are.

May

May was a great month. We went to Hamilton for the first time since Emma was born. It was a successful visit and the 5 hour drive there and back went well. Emma slept for most of the drive and we had interesting adventures at rest stops changing diapers and feeding her. We also had my mom up for a longer than normal visit which was nice. There was no rushing. Just hanging out and enjoying ourselves.

We played many games of Catan in May.

Matcha Lemonade season!

Lunch at Twiggs.

The summer heat showed up this month. My walks around the neighbourhood with Emma were now sunny and hot walks. I officially have tank top tan lines. We also went to Bell Park a couple of times. The most recent time was somewhat of a picnic with friends. Too bad their were a gazillion (I'm not kidding) tent caterpillars at the park trying to join us. It was a little annoying.



We ended May with Paramedic Week here in the city. We attended the proclamation last Monday to start off Paramedic week so of course I took a ton of photos of Emma and Adam with the ambulance since this was the first time Emma was at Daddy's work.

Sitting in an ambulance.

June

Source

June only just started but so far it's been a rainy month. I'd really like for the sun to come back now! We have a lot of fun plans for this month. Graphic-con is this Saturday, which is my first craft show of the year. I've been able to sew a bit with Emma around so I have faith that I'll be able to get back into sewing more and more as she gets older. There's two weekends that family is coming to visit us, Father's Day, our wedding anniversary, and the month ends with a friend's wedding. So it looks like it'll be another busy month.

Can you believe this cutie is 3 months old?!

I'm pumped for the summer with Emma. I have so many things I want to do with her. If you follow me on Instagram, I apologize in advance for all the adorable baby pics! I've been trying to keep them separate in a private account on Instagram. But they keep leaking back into my main account. Whoops!

xo Jen

I wrote this post about a month ago. I needed to express my frustrations and typing them out helped. After re-reading what I wrote, I still feel so many of these things. They've lessened a bit as we get into a bit more of a routine, or as I get more comfortable in my new role. Plus, we've been heading outside more to soak in sunshine and it has helped so much. I know everyone's experience with having a baby is different, but this is my experience. 

No matter how many things I read, how many stories I heard from people, or listened to the advice from my doctors, I wasn't prepared for the postpartum part of my journey.

The pain and restrictions from having a c-section was horrible. The swelling was even more ridiculous than what I experienced in third trimester and breastfeeding was incredibly frustrating. It took about two weeks for the insane swelling to go down, three weeks to sleep in my own bed again, and about five weeks for the pain in my lower abdomen to disappear (though, not completely). I'm still dealing with leftover healing issues from my c-section incision (still! 12 weeks later!), but I'm on the path to recovery.

It's been a struggle and when you add in first-time mom anxieties, a newborn, and sleep deprivation, you end up an oversensitive, exhausted zombie. Outside of Emma, my patience is nil. Then there's my eating habits. Some days I'm super healthy in my eating routine and other days I could throw back an entire cake for every meal. I can tell my hormones are changing and my body is heading back to... normal? Pre-pregnancy? Sort of, but still changed and different.


Maybe I was naive, but I honestly didn't expect to feel these things physically, mentally and emotionally.

Then you take the new baby.... my heart fills when she looks at me, when she grins, when she cries and snuggles into my neck when I hold her.

Talk about a whirlwind of emotions.


I believe the biggest help I've had is having people check in on me regularly. To have people to 'chat' with daily even if by text or social media. Adam's been pushing me to get outside and we've been making the most of leaving the house for doctor's appointments by adding in other fun aspects (lunch out, walk at the park).

Honestly, my biggest struggle right now is taking care of myself physically. I feel like living in sweat pants, hair in a bun, and living off coffee. I've been trying to make a point of filling my water bottle and telling myself to drink 3 of them during the day. Or to switch a cup of coffee with a green tea. This goes well some days and other days, when I've had 5 hours of sleep, not so much.

I know it's just a phase and things will (or should) get easier. Summer is coming up which means more sunshine and opportunities to be outside. Just being out of the house and getting some exercise and Vitamin D should help me recover.

Trying to practice self-care.

It's been almost a year since I found out I was pregnant, and if you talked to me during this time, thank you. Thank you for being around to chat with, no matter how fluffy the conversation. It's been months and months of emotional, physical and mental craziness. I appreciate all of you.

xo Jen

I wanted to be a mom for a very long time. Luckily, being in Canada, I have a year off to stay home with my baby. No one really knows what to expect when their baby shows up. Plus every baby is different, including their personalities and habits. I've lucked out with a good baby; she sleeps well, she's not too fussy and we haven't experienced colic. However, she still prefers our arms than a bouncer or swing. But we both get decent sleep (her more than me. I'm functioning though. Most days. With multiple cups of coffee).


I figured after we got into a routine I'd be back to sewing and baking. In my head I was so going to nail this staying at home with the baby. I also had plans to meal prep, scrub the house from top to bottom weekly, start working out... this is so not the case.

Quickly you realize how much you need to and want to entertain your baby and show her the world around her. I've taken to making animal noises, singing to her, and pointing out colours and shapes around the house. Yep, she definitely thinks her Mom is a professional singer with how much I sing to her. Then there's tummy time, the multiple feedings each day, and the never-ending diaper changing. Because she's reached the age where she 'talks' a lot now too, I also feel like I shouldn't watch TV as much. I need to interact with her and have silly conversations.


Don't take this as complaining. Watching her face - her eyes lighting up, her mouth copying my mouth, the sounds she makes - are all worth every single moment I spend away from cleaning, cooking, and even trying to eat (my meals all seem to get postponed due to Emma time).


I know things should get easier (and harder in a sense) once she can hold up her own head, hang out in her exersaucer, hold her own bottle, etc. I should be able to multi-task a bit better. Hopefully. That's the plan. But who cares? As long as she's happy, I'm happy. We'll make this work. 

xo Jen