Runs on Coffee and Cream

Infertility is a bitch. I've been through a lot in my lifetime and experienced a lot of emotions, but infertility has kicked my ass.

It took us 5 years to get pregnant with Emma. Our first round of IVF was successful. However, the multiple IUIs, fertility drugs, and other methods were a huge source of stress and drained us emotionally and financially. But we were finally pregnant! Emma is a blessing and has made us so happy.

It's hard to believe it's June already. I'm not too sure where the time has gone, but here we are.

May

May was a great month. We went to Hamilton for the first time since Emma was born. It was a successful visit and the 5 hour drive there and back went well. Emma slept for most of the drive and we had interesting adventures at rest stops changing diapers and feeding her. We also had my mom up for a longer than normal visit which was nice. There was no rushing. Just hanging out and enjoying ourselves.

We played many games of Catan in May.

Matcha Lemonade season!

Lunch at Twiggs.

The summer heat showed up this month. My walks around the neighbourhood with Emma were now sunny and hot walks. I officially have tank top tan lines. We also went to Bell Park a couple of times. The most recent time was somewhat of a picnic with friends. Too bad their were a gazillion (I'm not kidding) tent caterpillars at the park trying to join us. It was a little annoying.



We ended May with Paramedic Week here in the city. We attended the proclamation last Monday to start off Paramedic week so of course I took a ton of photos of Emma and Adam with the ambulance since this was the first time Emma was at Daddy's work.

Sitting in an ambulance.

June

Source

June only just started but so far it's been a rainy month. I'd really like for the sun to come back now! We have a lot of fun plans for this month. Graphic-con is this Saturday, which is my first craft show of the year. I've been able to sew a bit with Emma around so I have faith that I'll be able to get back into sewing more and more as she gets older. There's two weekends that family is coming to visit us, Father's Day, our wedding anniversary, and the month ends with a friend's wedding. So it looks like it'll be another busy month.

Can you believe this cutie is 3 months old?!

I'm pumped for the summer with Emma. I have so many things I want to do with her. If you follow me on Instagram, I apologize in advance for all the adorable baby pics! I've been trying to keep them separate in a private account on Instagram. But they keep leaking back into my main account. Whoops!

xo Jen

I wrote this post about a month ago. I needed to express my frustrations and typing them out helped. After re-reading what I wrote, I still feel so many of these things. They've lessened a bit as we get into a bit more of a routine, or as I get more comfortable in my new role. Plus, we've been heading outside more to soak in sunshine and it has helped so much. I know everyone's experience with having a baby is different, but this is my experience. 

No matter how many things I read, how many stories I heard from people, or listened to the advice from my doctors, I wasn't prepared for the postpartum part of my journey.

The pain and restrictions from having a c-section was horrible. The swelling was even more ridiculous than what I experienced in third trimester and breastfeeding was incredibly frustrating. It took about two weeks for the insane swelling to go down, three weeks to sleep in my own bed again, and about five weeks for the pain in my lower abdomen to disappear (though, not completely). I'm still dealing with leftover healing issues from my c-section incision (still! 12 weeks later!), but I'm on the path to recovery.

It's been a struggle and when you add in first-time mom anxieties, a newborn, and sleep deprivation, you end up an oversensitive, exhausted zombie. Outside of Emma, my patience is nil. Then there's my eating habits. Some days I'm super healthy in my eating routine and other days I could throw back an entire cake for every meal. I can tell my hormones are changing and my body is heading back to... normal? Pre-pregnancy? Sort of, but still changed and different.


Maybe I was naive, but I honestly didn't expect to feel these things physically, mentally and emotionally.

Then you take the new baby.... my heart fills when she looks at me, when she grins, when she cries and snuggles into my neck when I hold her.

Talk about a whirlwind of emotions.


I believe the biggest help I've had is having people check in on me regularly. To have people to 'chat' with daily even if by text or social media. Adam's been pushing me to get outside and we've been making the most of leaving the house for doctor's appointments by adding in other fun aspects (lunch out, walk at the park).

Honestly, my biggest struggle right now is taking care of myself physically. I feel like living in sweat pants, hair in a bun, and living off coffee. I've been trying to make a point of filling my water bottle and telling myself to drink 3 of them during the day. Or to switch a cup of coffee with a green tea. This goes well some days and other days, when I've had 5 hours of sleep, not so much.

I know it's just a phase and things will (or should) get easier. Summer is coming up which means more sunshine and opportunities to be outside. Just being out of the house and getting some exercise and Vitamin D should help me recover.

Trying to practice self-care.

It's been almost a year since I found out I was pregnant, and if you talked to me during this time, thank you. Thank you for being around to chat with, no matter how fluffy the conversation. It's been months and months of emotional, physical and mental craziness. I appreciate all of you.

xo Jen