Runs on Coffee and Cream

Going through pregnancy during this pandemic was rough, weird, and very lonely. And if you went through pregnancy or are currently going through it, know that I see you and feel for you. 

What a year 2020 has been. Because of the pandemic, being glued to the news, and all the stresses of the coronavirus, my pregnancy flew by. Like I blinked, and all of a sudden I was 38 weeks pregnant. Thankfully the pregnancy went pretty smooth. I don't know if I could have handled much pregnancy stress on top of the real world stress. My anxiety was already high between going off my anxiety medication at the beginning of the pregnancy and the coronavirus. 

There's no way you're alive in this world without knowing about COVID-19 and what it's doing to our world and communities. It's a scary situation.

My anxiety has been high since this pregnancy started and this pandemic is definitely not helping. Because of this and because I'm very cautious about this pregnancy, I've decided self-isolation is the best thing for me. It keeps me feeling safe and less anxious not being around people. It's definitely the best decision for my mental health.

Source

You know the cliche about how when you stop trying to have a baby, that's when you'll get pregnant? Yep, we're that cliche. Two months after our failed embryo transfer, we got pregnant naturally. Crazy, right? To be honest, we hate that we're that cliche. Don't get me wrong, we're so excited and thrilled and happy. The idea of giving Emma a sibling warms every inch of me. 

Infertility is a bitch. I've been through a lot in my lifetime and experienced a lot of emotions, but infertility has kicked my ass.

It took us 5 years to get pregnant with Emma. Our first round of IVF was successful. However, the multiple IUIs, fertility drugs, and other methods were a huge source of stress and drained us emotionally and financially. But we were finally pregnant! Emma is a blessing and has made us so happy.

I wrote this post about a month ago. I needed to express my frustrations and typing them out helped. After re-reading what I wrote, I still feel so many of these things. They've lessened a bit as we get into a bit more of a routine, or as I get more comfortable in my new role. Plus, we've been heading outside more to soak in sunshine and it has helped so much. I know everyone's experience with having a baby is different, but this is my experience. 

No matter how many things I read, how many stories I heard from people, or listened to the advice from my doctors, I wasn't prepared for the postpartum part of my journey.

The pain and restrictions from having a c-section was horrible. The swelling was even more ridiculous than what I experienced in third trimester and breastfeeding was incredibly frustrating. It took about two weeks for the insane swelling to go down, three weeks to sleep in my own bed again, and about five weeks for the pain in my lower abdomen to disappear (though, not completely). I'm still dealing with leftover healing issues from my c-section incision (still! 12 weeks later!), but I'm on the path to recovery.

It's been a struggle and when you add in first-time mom anxieties, a newborn, and sleep deprivation, you end up an oversensitive, exhausted zombie. Outside of Emma, my patience is nil. Then there's my eating habits. Some days I'm super healthy in my eating routine and other days I could throw back an entire cake for every meal. I can tell my hormones are changing and my body is heading back to... normal? Pre-pregnancy? Sort of, but still changed and different.


Maybe I was naive, but I honestly didn't expect to feel these things physically, mentally and emotionally.

Then you take the new baby.... my heart fills when she looks at me, when she grins, when she cries and snuggles into my neck when I hold her.

Talk about a whirlwind of emotions.


I believe the biggest help I've had is having people check in on me regularly. To have people to 'chat' with daily even if by text or social media. Adam's been pushing me to get outside and we've been making the most of leaving the house for doctor's appointments by adding in other fun aspects (lunch out, walk at the park).

Honestly, my biggest struggle right now is taking care of myself physically. I feel like living in sweat pants, hair in a bun, and living off coffee. I've been trying to make a point of filling my water bottle and telling myself to drink 3 of them during the day. Or to switch a cup of coffee with a green tea. This goes well some days and other days, when I've had 5 hours of sleep, not so much.

I know it's just a phase and things will (or should) get easier. Summer is coming up which means more sunshine and opportunities to be outside. Just being out of the house and getting some exercise and Vitamin D should help me recover.

Trying to practice self-care.

It's been almost a year since I found out I was pregnant, and if you talked to me during this time, thank you. Thank you for being around to chat with, no matter how fluffy the conversation. It's been months and months of emotional, physical and mental craziness. I appreciate all of you.

xo Jen