Runs on Coffee and Cream

There's no way you're alive in this world without knowing about COVID-19 and what it's doing to our world and communities. It's a scary situation.

My anxiety has been high since this pregnancy started and this pandemic is definitely not helping. Because of this and because I'm very cautious about this pregnancy, I've decided self-isolation is the best thing for me. It keeps me feeling safe and less anxious not being around people. It's definitely the best decision for my mental health.

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You know the cliche about how when you stop trying to have a baby, that's when you'll get pregnant? Yep, we're that cliche. Two months after our failed embryo transfer, we got pregnant naturally. Crazy, right? To be honest, we hate that we're that cliche. Don't get me wrong, we're so excited and thrilled and happy. The idea of giving Emma a sibling warms every inch of me. 

Let's talk about mental health.

I've always been a somewhat anxious person; worrying about every little thing and usually playing out all the worse case scenarios in my head. But once I got pregnant with Emma, things got worse. I became obsessed about what I was eating while I was pregnant. Double checking everything was pasteurized, didn't contain any spices that were said to bring on early labour, and keeping Adam's lunch meat in a special drawer in our fridge that I refused to touch. I didn't think it was too weird considering how many years and how much money it took to get pregnant. I didn't want to take any chances to mess things up.

My everything.

The past few months have been a trying period. Struggles with health issues, what feels like working opposite shifts to Adam's most of the time, unexpected bills, dark days, exhaustion. This isn't completely new to me. I've had crappy times in the past where I just have to keep on fighting.

I've been working on making things better - both myself and my life. During this I've been pushing Adam to make some positive changes as well. Things like getting out of our comfort zones, doing things that might scare us a bit, scheduling dates, scheduling time to rest, eating more fruits and veggies. Our social calendar over the last month has been more packed than it has in years. It's crazy. Fun, but exhausting. After a night playing board games with people, I want to hide in our home for a week to recover. I don't know if this feeling will last forever. But I really do prefer my cats to humans most days.

Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things by Jenny Lawson couldn't have come at a better time. Jenny writes about her life with mental illness - good days, bad days, struggles, her phobias, and tells some very interesting stories about her life. She is a fantastic writer and absolutely hilarious. The book itself is such a wonderful look into life with depression and anxiety. Not only did it make me feel more normal and less like a freak, it gave me encouragement to keep going forward because good days are around the corner.

“You learn to appreciate the fact that what drives you is very different from what you’re told should make you happy. You learn that it’s okay to prefer your personal idea of heaven (live-tweeting zombie movies from under a blanket of kittens) rather than someone else’s idea that fame/fortune/parties are the pinnacle we should all reach for. And there’s something surprisingly freeing about that.” 
― Jenny Lawson, Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things

I cannot recommend this book enough to everyone. I'm actually looking forward to re-reading it because I have a feeling I'll laugh every time and it'll give me some comfort.


December is sneaking up on us and I'm hoping the month of Christmas lights, baking, movies, wrapping gifts, and cheery music will be a fun one and that I can find some balance so I don't wear myself out.

xo Jen