Runs on Coffee and Cream

You know the cliche about how when you stop trying to have a baby, that's when you'll get pregnant? Yep, we're that cliche. Two months after our failed embryo transfer, we got pregnant naturally. Crazy, right? To be honest, we hate that we're that cliche. Don't get me wrong, we're so excited and thrilled and happy. The idea of giving Emma a sibling warms every inch of me. 

First trimester was stressful. I was scared every second of the pregnancy disappearing. I was in shock for the first half of the trimester and then once I got over the shock, fear set in. Fear and anxiety.

Honestly, the anxiety is still going strong. I was on a get-myself-better kick prior to finding out I was pregnant. I wanted to kick the depression that set in after the failed embryo transfer in the butt. I started on my anxiety medication, started a bedtime routine, and started eating healthier. Well, I ended up weaning off my medication, dealing with morning sickness, and having crazy food aversions.

So my mood and anxiety have been up and down for months now. It's been hard. But so far, second trimester has calmed my nausea and food aversions, and my exhaustion has lifted a bit. However, anxiety is still going strong. Thank goodness for a husband who's logical, rational, and patient as hell with me.

I'm 15 weeks along now. I'm itching to find out the gender which will be happening in about a month. I'm hoping the further along I am, the less anxious I'll feel but I'm feeling doubtful. Needless to say, I'll be back on my anxiety medication as soon as I give birth. I don't want to give postpartum depression or anxiety a moment to kick in.

It'll be an interesting and exciting year. I'm going to do my best to enjoy every moment of it. And to take in all I can with just having Emma around before the baby shows up.


Here's to 2020!
~Jen